


Atonement

by TheUsagi1995



Series: With Sword and Scimitar our story is written... [3]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Comforting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Joe -Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky - Nicolò di Genova, Established Relationship, Feelings, Guilt, Historical Inaccuracy, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani is an Incurable Romantic, Kissing, Love, M/M, Men Crying, Mild Language, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Movie: The Old Guard (2020), Protective Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Romance, Smoking, Team as Family, Tenderness, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:21:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26201830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUsagi1995/pseuds/TheUsagi1995
Summary: "So, Nicky. Why would a priest abandon his duty to join the Crusades?" Nile asked, causing Nicky to blink at her."Perhaps the time has come for me to be honest with all of you, and to forgive myself." [...] “I joined the Crusades to atone for my sins.” Nicky muttered as he got up on his feet, pulling himself away from Joe with steps heavy and uneven.OrNicky finds the courage to finally open up about a long buried, dark secret. The only one he has kept from Joe...Also Andy smokes, because I loved that aspect in the comics!
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: With Sword and Scimitar our story is written... [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889575
Comments: 8
Kudos: 250





	Atonement

**Author's Note:**

> I have not been doing great. This is written on my phone in the middle of the night as I cannot sleep due to intense pain.  
> I hope you will enjoy.  
> All mistakes are mine as there is no beta reader.  
> I do not own the rights of "The Old Guard"  
> Thank you for reading!

_**"Atonement"** _

The sweet rustling of trees in the distance and the melodic coming and going of timid waves lulled Nile to a world she had never seen before. Summer was slowly drawing to a close, but as she had come to realize, said season seemed to favor the Greek islands, which were still bathed in a shimmering golden light. The sea was still warm, licking at pointy rocks and at smooth sand all the same. September had officially arrived, yet Nile still hang on to the joyful days spent away from guns, blood and raw violence. The team was currently occupying Copley’s house, a well earned reward after their latest mission.

* * *

Laughter echoed in the balcony, warm and soft, as Andy, Joe, Nicky and Nile found themselves around the circular table across which were spewed traces of food and many, many bottles of fine wine. “So, Nicky.” Nile smiled, speaking around a mouthful of meet. The man in question sipped his wine whilst his free hand reached for the napkins. With movements ever so gentle he leaned to his right, patting the corner of Joe’s lips, removing a small stain of sauce. “Ah, thank you my love.” Parted lips brushed on Nicky’s slender fingers and the two of them lost themselves in the moment. Andy’s cough obliged them to turn their gazes back on to the youngest member of the team.

* * *

“Stay focused.” Was all Andy stated, yet the remark was not unkind. Her lopsided smile had Nicky’s eyes lighting up. Joe’s heartwarming laughter babbled up his chest, causing his entire body to vibrate at the sight of Nicky’s blush and at the echo of Nile’s huff. “Easy for you to say Boss!” Joe retorted as his right hand trailed upward, slender fingers brushing up against the back of Nicky’s neck. Nile’s posture relaxed and Nicky nodded for her to continue as he clasped Joe’s free hand with his own.

* * *

“So, Nicky,” Nile parroted whilst taking a sip of her beer, “why would a priest abandon his duty to join the Crusades?” The man in questioned blinked, his body stiffening. “Ah, well, there were quite a few reasons, ranging from seeing the world to getting rid of troublesome knights.” Joe took over, his hold around Nicky’s palm tightening. “Most of those who ventured on to the strange for them land, however, truly believed that it should be freed of the infidels.” Nile arched an eyebrow at the last word. “Non-believers.” Andy explained as she reached out for her cigarettes. Silence leaped between the members of the team as a plume of smoke stretched among them. 

* * *

When Nile spoke again her tone was low, laden with an unnatural amount of understanding. “That’s not why you went there.” Joe’s dark brown eyes narrowed in confusion. “Well, in his defense, he truly thought the cause to be righteous—” Nicky’s wavering, hesitant ghost of a smile halted his partner mid sentence. “You are truly an exceptional kid Nile.” He exhaled bitterly, feeling Andy’s green-and blue eyes piercing his frame. “My love, we have talked about this—” For yet another time, Nicky interrupted Joe as he withdrew his hand, closing his eyes.

* * *

When he spoke again, his voice was raw. "The events of the first Crusade Nile, are ones Joe should have never been able to forgive. Yet, such kindness does his heart hold that he eventually offered me absolution. Perhaps," Nicky trailed off allowing his eyes to wander from the eastern part of the beach to the west, "Perhaps the time has come for me to be honest with all of you, and to forgive myself." Andy's face morphed.

* * *

“I joined the Crusades to atone for my sins.” Nicky muttered as he got up on his feet, pulling himself away from Joe with steps heavy and uneven. Andy paused her movements, her cigarette lingering mere inches before her lips. “What sins, what is this bullshit?” The tone was sharper than the edge of the woman’s double sided axe. “I had shamed my father, Boss. According to him I was beyond salvation; my very existence upon this Earth was an insult to God.” A sharp inhale echoed and Nicky needn’t look over his shoulder to identify its origins.

* * *

“Yes, Joe. I joined the Crusades following my father’s command. I told you once, a long, long time ago, but you were blissfully asleep, nestled in my arms.” Nile was the only one capable of working her mouth to open. “Why would your father do such a thing?” Nicky’s shoulders tensed. “He was a good man, Nile. He had granted me my wish. He allowed me to become a priest, even though he could use another pair of arms to aid him make a living as a farmer on the fields.” The call faded like the edges of a painting stained by the passage of time. “Nicky, get to the point. Why were you accused of being a sinner?” Andy shot as her keen orbs raked over her friend’s frame.

* * *

A rough coughing fit emerged from in between tangled vocal cords as Nicky braced himself. “One evening in an alleyway near the church,” the man swallowed hard, “I got violent. I attacked the former archbishop. He had been replaced as he was deemed unsuitable for the position.” Nile knitted her eyebrows together as Andy took a long drag from a newly lit cigarette. “Was the one you shielded younger than you?” Was all she questioned, blowing out a lungful of smoke. Nicky’s lips twitched upwards. “Much younger.” The admission seemed to be a double-edged dagger, which split Joe’s heart in half. His hands trembled and the glass he was holding shattered on to the floor. A plethora of emotions assaulted him in rapid succession with bitter rage being the undisputed victor as it took over his features. Sheer dread was lingering underneath, yet try as she might, Nile could not put the pieces together as Joe evidently had.

* * *

"I tried my best to defend the boy and myself. But when the time came for me to choose, my only care was for the boy." Nicky paused, turning around for the first time, having no choice but to face his partner through a veil of unshed tears. “Afterward, the former archbishop reported me to the authorities and I was more or less forced to gallop all the way to Jerusalem.” Andy’s weary exhale followed Nicky’s revelation. “I would have gone there as a priest, for I was ignorant. I will not deny such a claim. But even as we marched toward the city I still couldn't fathom myself unsheathing my blade in order to impale someone with it. I was never entirely convinced that it was God’s will for Men to wage war against their fellow Men.” As Nicky attempted to breathe, Joe brought his right hand over his chest, fingers brushing against the amulet which was hanging from his neck.

* * *

“Unnecessary bloodshed, slaughters, theft and so many other atrocities which I will never willingly talk to you about Nile, they were all made in God’s name. I was there, slaying men like a beast so as not to be slain by them. Because, even though I had sinned and my sole hope for obtaining a place in Heaven was to die in the name of the Lord, I yearned to remain alive.” Nicky swallowed around the lump in his throat, allowing his arms to fall to his sides. “This is not the story you’ve told us.” Nile’s mouth fell open at Andy’s stern call. “I’m sorry.” It was a genuine apology yet Nile could trace there was a much darker side to that story which Nicky opted not to account. 

* * *

Andy seemed lost in thought for a moment, scrutinizing Nicky’s eerily numb frame as though she could bear witness to the shadows of the past, to the deeply rooted guilt whose branches were enclosing a wonderful being. He was a man awaiting a verdict, Nile noted, lowering her eyes as she realized she had brought this confession forth. “It doesn’t matter, not anymore. Not to us.” Andy admitted after a long, deafening silence, watching as Nicky’s eyes widened only to fall closed a mere moment later. Nile made no comment on the round salty, teardrops hanging from Nicky’s well-shaped eyelashes.

* * *

The creaking sound of a chair as it was carelessly dragged across a marble floor resulted in Andy’s slim fingers crushing her cigarette as they fidgeted involuntarily. She cursed under her breath in a plethora of languages, yet Joe’s vacant call overshadowed everything else. “Excuse us.” Was all the man offered, moving away from the table, his shoes smothering the already shattered glass under their weight. The screech was bone chilling but Joe paid no mind to it. Nile was not sure he could even hear it. He merely extended both his hands, taking a hold of Nicky’s pale ones, guiding him around the table, out of the room, down the stairs and eventually, out of the house.

* * *

“What is Joe going to do?” Nile dared to ask, her voice low, her eyes pinned on the two figures heading toward the beach. “He’s going to hear the rest of the story, and then he is going to do what he has done for the last eight hundred and seventy nine years. He is going to love Nicky with every fiber of his being, with a force so ferocious the world will have no choice but to succumb and accept it.” Nile gazed at Andy for a long moment. Under the nearly blinding light of the sun, coated in a small veil of smoke, no longer burdened with an uncertain immortality, she looked younger, lighter. Beautiful, yes; she was beautiful as she smiled. 

* * *

“Tell me.” Was all Joe snarled through gritted teeth when the two of them reached the beach. The heat was nearly exhausting as the sun was reigning high above the planes and mountain peaks Men had conquered. It was noon and the locals were all fleeing the burning sand, seeking shelter indoors, yearning for a cold drink, or a tasty plate of food until the sun’s menace would ease. Nicky’s frame shuddered when his partner released his hands, taking a couple of steps away from him. “Nicolo. Tell me, please.” Nicky’s resolve wavered as the plea was woven in plaint. 

* * *

“I had to help the boy. He was no more than thirteen years old. Had I not intervened, then that vile man would have committed the most heinous act. He wanted the boy for himself, for his own twisted pleasure.” Joe’s jaw tightened significantly. Nicky breathed out shakily, lowering his blue eyes in shame. “Nicolo.” Joe uttered the name with reverence, allowing the babbling froth to embrace it. “Once the boy fled, the man turned to me.” Nicky uttered, his voice ominous. “I was nothing more than a peasant at the time, but I fought him off Joe, I swear I did.” Joe’s breathing was now heavy, labored as he found himself trying to contain the bile which was galloping up in his throat. 

* * *

“Did he hurt you?” Joe growled deeply, the words tasting like ashes in his mouth. Nicky took a moment, weighing his next words. “There is no wound you have not mended, Yusuf. None.” The claim rang true up to the last syllable, yet it was not what Joe wished to hear. “Did he hurt you, my heart?” Nicky’s slow, almost nonexistent nod was so heavy it caused Joe’s soul to crack. “While his hands moved on me he said I was a wild, un-caged beauty. I have never felt uglier in any of my many lives.” The words, muttered in Italian, escaped Nicky’s quivering lips on their own accord. To his horror, Nicky understood his attempt to hinder the next confession was utterly wasted. 

* * *

“He took and took,” The Italian stuttered, breathing shallowly, “until I was left bone dry, lying on the cold ground, amidst a puddle of blood, sweat and semen.” Nicky flinched as something hot trickled down his sharp cheeks. He paused, reaching out with trembling hands, frowning when his fingers encountered moisture as they brushed on his chin. “I am going to kill him, I swear I am going to find the ashes of his bones and I will bring him back to life, only to kill him again!” Joe roared, marching toward the sea, uncaring of the water, which was now all the way up to his calves. He inhaled lungfuls of salted air, bellowing his solemn vow on to the Heavens. 

* * *

The roar shook Nicky to his core, obliging him to move. He reached Joe, the water splashing in his wake. With trembling hands he grasped tensed shoulders, pressing his chest against Joe’s stiff back. “You have already killed him Yusuf. Your love, your care, your gentleness the first night we became one, and all the days and nights that followed, they wiped away his relentless hands. Your fingers have always caressed my body with the grace of the brush as it moves across the canvas.” Nicky’s exhales caused the hair on the back of Joe’s neck to rise. 

* * *

“I thought I would have nothing left to give you,” Nicky admitted quietly, his words almost indistinguishable amidst the sloshing of the waters, “but I found I had so much I could offer you that first night. For I was not afraid of you, not for one single heartbeat.” Joe’s eyes shone under that wholesome light and he whirled around, cupping each side of his partner’s fine neck. In one flourish notion he brought their foreheads together, leaning ever so close to Nicky. 

* * *

“You have given me all that there is, and then so much more, ya amar. Every minute of every day for almost one thousand years, you have been my sun and stars,” Joe’s voice cracked under the weight of his words, “and there is nothing capable of staining you.” Nicky’s hands hooked themselves on the front part of Joe’s shirt as the man crushed their lips together in a kiss both desperate as well as cathartic. “I am still going to kill him, Nicolo.” Joe promised once they parted. "You already have done so, literally." Confusion was evident on Joe's face. 

* * *

"Remember the first time we went back to Genova in 1114? A merchant had told us of my mother's passing and I needed to be there. You couldn't change my mind, so you did the next best thing, you followed me." Joe nodded, pulling away just enough to be able to get a glimpse of Nicky's blue eyes. "I held you back when you attempted to lash out and stop the ceremony." The words were bitter. Nicky simply nodded, lowering his head. "You wrapped me with your cloak, caging me between the wall and your body. You released me only when dusk had fallen and all the people had taken their leave. I remember I ran, mounting the small hill and I knelt down to her grave." Joe's tender hands brushed Nicky's tears away. "But then came a man, old and feeble." There was a pause as Nicky tried to bring forth a memory from times long gone but not yet forgotten. 

* * *

"He saw you there, ghostly pale and he nearly fell backwards." Joe accounted as his eyes brightened at the distant memory. "He spoke to you, didn't he?" Nicky nodded as he collected himself. "Yes. He said it was not possible for me to be alive. He yelled that I had to be an agent of the infernal, a demon." Joe's teeth clattered. "I shivered, clinging to your cloak, thinking that if I truly was a demon then maybe this man had something to do with it. Perhaps his violent act all those years ago had changed me." Nicky swallowed hard, attempting to offer Joe a smile. His partner simply waved his head lavishing Nicky's face and chest with chaste kisses. If Joe muttered 'never' over and over again, repeating himself like broken record, only his partner could tell.

* * *

"He threatened that he would lock me in a dungeon," the waves licked Nicky's trembling legs as his voice wavered, "and that he would personally see to my punishment." Joe's face darkened. "But then you emerged from the shadows, your Scimitar held proudly in your hand." Joe's calloused fingers twitched by sheer force of habit albeit his weapon was not within his reach. "You demanded he should forget what he saw lest he wished for a quick death." Nicky paused, reminiscent of the words. "I couldn't speak Yusuf. Fear had overwhelmed me at the sight of that man. But as it turned out, I didn't have to say anything. He smirked, looking at me, looking right through me. He said I could still be spared from damnation and he--" Joe's sharp inhale cut Nicky off. 

* * *

"He extended his hand, wishing to touch you." The words were venomous and Nicky shivered at their echo. "But he never got the chance. Your scimitar sliced him and all his fingers grasped was the moist soil which later covered him." Silence crept between the two lovers despite Joe’s valiant attempt to blend his body with Nicky’s shivering one.

* * *

"Do not force yourself to remember his face Joe. I have forgotten it a long time ago.” Nicky muttered as he urged Joe to open his eyes and get back to the present. "A fortnight after we left Genova, you lay your heart out for me to witness, courageous enough to speak aloud of your love for me." Nicky's hands took a hold of Joe's steady ones. "And for the first time in so many years, I believed that I was no demon. Because no demon could ever be gifted with a man like you, Yusuf." Joe's eyes shimmered, pupils dilated.

* * *

"Yusuf…” Nicky chimed, allowing his body to be manhandled by Joe’s tender hands. “Shh, I am here.” A string of breaths fell from his lips as Joe pushed him back against the sand. Lukewarm water engulfed him, but Nicky kept his eyes on Joe who was now hovering over him. His forearms lay on each side of his head while his thighs brushed the inside of Nicky’s legs.

* * *

“What would my lips speak of, if not for my love for you,” A soft kiss on Nicky’s Adam apple muffled the words.

  
“What would my hands be here for, if not to embrace you,” Calloused, yet ever so gentle fingers caressed that beautiful face, catching burning teardrops.

  
“What would the purpose of my breathbe, if not to give voice to your name,” Nicky shook his head desperately, silently beseeching for forgiveness.

  
“What would my eyes serve me for, if not to witness your smile?” Dark brown orbs met stormy blue- grey ones as Joe leaned in, worshipping Nicky’s body with his hands, his lips, his words. There, under the wholesale light of the sun, all secrets withered and died.

There, in the salty water, past guilts were washed away. There, in the land of Sun and Sea, Nicolò was finally, truly freed.

* * *

**The End...**

**Author's Note:**

> So here it ends.  
> "Ya amar" means "My moon" and is used to describe something truly beautiful.  
> I honestly hope it was readable...  
> Kudos and comments make my days better!  
> Thank you for reading!  
> Until the next time,  
> Love you all,  
> Usagi


End file.
